Things i hate
22th August 2008 - Friday
Last night i was in maple and was chatting with my friend~ He was telling me bout his past~ It was pretty sad but i guess thats life~ You cant have everything perfect and happy all the time~ How God planned for us is pretty interesting~ Ups and downs~ You may see the person looking all happy on the outside yet there is so much in the inside that a person might not show you~ He was saying he hated alot stuff~ I used to hate everything~ He even made a list out of it~ I guess as i grew up, i learnt to throw away the hatred and turn it to "dislike"~ Hate is a pretty strong word~ I still use the word hate to certain stuff like erm… *thinks* ANYWAY, i made a list of my own hate back when i was younger~
1) Hate my dad (still do…no comment bout that~ Started ever since he hit my bloody nose and hit again as if the blood is not there)
2) Hate my mom (Not anymore~ As i rethink, she did alot sacrifices to brought me up~ Including the part she protected me when my dad used to blame me for some stuff i did)
3) Hate my stubborness (I guess this is something i changed it to dislike~ I always get scolding from people for being stubborn~ My parents, my family, even my friends~ Sometimes, being stubborn helps in a way~ Well thats what i think)
4) Hate me being stupid (stupid in a sense of relationships~ The most stupid thing i did was to trust a guy and go ga-ga over it and he juz so selamba with it~ The 1st time it happened was my 1st ex~ I’d go heels over the moon for him and gone sick for him~ Oh, not to mention the cheesecake~ 2nd time is now~ "I’ll always be with you"~ Dont say stuff you dont mean it~ That pissed me off~)
5) Hate my body (Not that i hated it~ I dislike me being so bodyless and the idiots would say bout it~ Its not like I keep my body in a nice shape so that idiots would drool over it~ So what if i’m thin and skinny? At least i get to eat whatever i want and i dont gain a weight~ So stop bitching bout people’s body =_=lll)
6) Hate myself for not standing up for myself (Back when i was with Adam, everytime he scolds me, i’d keep quiet~ Even when anyone scold me, i’d let them scold~ I always get tongue tied and nothing seems to come out from my mouth~ But if i were to ask to talk non verbally, i’d be fine~ *sighs*)
7) Hate my attitude (Attitude problem~ Lazy, short tempered, rough, no manners and erm… selfish~ Those are the things i MUST change~ *yet its so hard to T_T*)
Hated what i’ve done to my ex-es (Couldve been more caring and understanding~ *aka more stupid* Pfft)
In a way, time passed and i’ve changed (I think…*erm*)~ The years before i met adam was terible~I couldve list out hundred if i wanted to~ He taught me to think positively and look things the other way~ I even break pens / pencils just to relieve stress and anger~ I break so many that my fingers always ends up bleeding or hurt (and my pencils are getting lesser >_<)~ I stopped doing that when i entered college and i had friends to support me~ I meant friends~ Yeah, and everyone thought college life was all bout competiting with each other but yeap, i found a few true friends there~ It was before i failed and moved on to a new batch of selfish peeps~ Therefore, i said my goodbyes (we still keep in contact and go out yamcha)~ Not to mention my lecturers that taught me well and give me full support~ My favourites in this college is always and will always be Miss Pinky and Miss May-Ann~
The one that truly changed me was Miss Pinky~ I remembered my 1st presentation was "How to take care of hamsters"~ I’m a nervous freak and i seek her for advice~ She gave me such strong motivation that i remembered i had a tear when she talked to me~ I guess i’m not as strong as i seem to be haha~ After her classes i began to have more confident in myself and trust that i can do it no matter what~ It seems easy for alot people to have confidence in themselves~ Not to me~ My parents always look down on me~ No matter what i do, how good i am at certain things~ My parents NEVER in my entire life praise me for things i did~ Words that a child wanted to hear from their parents is "I love you" or small praises~ I never get that~ What i get was "xxx is better than you, why cant u be like xxx?" or "Whats so good bout drawing? You’d end up begging at a corner some day" Why cant they just say "I’m proud of you"~ Pinky always have the right words for me~ Words that i’ve wanted to hear~ *sighs* Thnx Miss Pinky, you changed me to a better person =)
