My Blog

23rd March 2007 - Friday

Wow! I’ve just made my life miserable. Isn’t it great?

Was suppose to do my magazine last night, but the war begins. Everyone started attacking Furball. My kor was standing in the middle. Keropok started talking non-stop. Even called my classmate and woke her up. Result = got scoldings from her and swollen eyes the next day. My classmate saw me and she was like, "Whoa, what happened to your eyes?" Guess I cried too much last night. Ended up woke up bit later (I even forgot to set my alarm) and saw the bus passed just in front of my eyes. My mind was totally blank this morning I didn’t see where i was walking. Didnt even notice cars passed by and nearly hit my ass off the road. Was like, 3-4cm away from the car and got cursing from the driver. Typical Malaysian drivers (sigh). Reached class, thank god i wasnt late but Leon taught us in Mandarin. Decided to skip it and went out.

I went to watch this Mr Bean movie with my friends during the Publication break time. It was suppose to be a funny movie. I really needed that. I need laughter. Humour. Get my mind off stuff. Why do i need to force myself to laugh. Just cause everyone in the cinema was laughing, guess i have to go along with it. I tried to watch the movie and stop thinking bout other stuff, but it keeps coming back. It’s been years i’ve gone thru depression like that ever since the Sri Andalas guy. It’s so hard to laugh. It’s so hard to stay focus. It’s so hard to forget. How i wish i can SCREAM as much i can in this blog. The whole time at the cinema, i felt more like crying instead of laughing. I got back as soon as posible and start to cry as much i want and gawd…it feels dam good… I wanna be alone. I dun need anyone to heal me. Let me be. I feel safer when i’m alone. And..i deserve it……..

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