My Blog

19^th September – Tuesday

Supposing I’m gonna update my blog today, but the stupid lab cannot log in friendster. The website is being restricted by the IT Dept. But what the hell. I was mapling today. Got one bastard come and KS me and damn pissed off with him. I told him to CC pls in a nice way. He said “CC LAN ar”. So I dun care laa. Just continue and ask him nicely to cc. he’s still damn fucking stubborn and KS me every single boar I kill. I Asked Blessed to come and backup me. Then I log out and asked Kimberly to help. He level 103 already. So Blessed and Kimberly (he lent me his character to KS that fella) KS him nicely. Wherever he go, we follow and kill and KS him. That idiot kept scolding foul language, and kept saying ‘LAN’. So I used Kimberly’s character and said: why dun wanna kill now? Scare ar? Come laa. I let you kill. Dun just hangs onto the rope like a coward.” The moment he comes down, I summon Dragon and KS him again. It’s so fun to KS him back. Bloody bitch and bastard. Memang bagai

Pinang

dibelah dua… both also a bunch of losers who wanna KS noobs like me. Show off… wait till I level higher, and KS you guys back. This morning I went and wash my toe, I didn’t cry!!! OMG!!! For the first time in 2 weeks, I did not cry during the dressing session! So proud! Ok, maybe I’m starting to get use to the pain, so I don’t feel anything now. The doctor even chat with me, ask me why today I’m so quiet and good. The truth is I’m still half awake and half asleep. Last night draw the stupid figure thing. Draw till my hands no feelings already (but still got energy to play maple. Hehe…) I was telling the doctor that I was playing FF 2days ago till damn late in the night. And now damn sleepy. The doctor is very nice laa. Not much pain today though. The wound’s beginning to heal. Thank god!!! Oopsss… Time for FF now.. Buh Bye…

15^th September – Friday

I woke up feeling very down. I dreamt of my ex. The one I loved a lot. I don’t know why and I even forgot bout my dream but I know I dreamt of him and me happily together, which I know it’s impossible. That time, I know I missed him a lot. I hasn’t thought bout him for a very long time, and suddenly I missed him a lot. Do I still like him after so long? Nah… I love my boyfriend, how can it be? But… (Sigh)I wanna see him again, I can’t. If I do, I know I’d like him again. Better not take the risk. Pola even told me to stay away from him. I saw his profile today and I saw him with a girl. He moved on. I don’t know if I’m happy or sad but it’s a mixture of both. I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. But all I know, the moment I’m writing this part, I’m feeling down and sad. Little angel tells me “Move on, you got your own boyfriend now. You should be happy. Not sad. He’s happy. You’re happy. Forget bout him”! I can’t… I just can’t… Little devil tells me “you still love him. Go find him! Settle it face to face. Talk to him. Call him. Say hello or something” No! I can’t! AAARRRGGGHHH!!! Help me!!! Tell me what to do!!!

13^th September – Wednesday

HELP ME!!! Why does it hurt so much even though I’m taking the pain killers? This is hell! Can I just chop off my toe straight away instead???

12^th September – Tuesday

Another hell day. This time, I wash at the clinic near my house at Subang. The doctor seems friendlier and gentler. But it still hurts as usual. Only this time, she just cleaned it off with water and bandaged it. It hurts when she cleans the wound. She was so nice that she’s telling me what she’s doing. E.g., “I’m going to open your bandage with this scissors now, so you won’t feel any pain. But it’ll hurt bit when I open the bandage. Ok… It’s opened. See? There’s your wound. Now I’m gonna clean it off with water and it’ll slightly hurt bit. You tell me to stop when you want me to stop, ok? …” well, at least, she makes me talk. And she even asked the question of “where are you studying, what are you majoring”… Typical doctors. Ask something else laa. Like, do you have boyfriend or something…? Ai Yorr…

11^th September – Monday

Oh My God! It’s damn PAIN!!! This time, the Malay nurse washed my toe. She washed and I was screaming my head off. Since she knows all the nerves are there, she went and rubs it as if washing clothes! The pain is unforgettable. It’s so pain that the pain goes into your heart and stabs your heart many times. It’s naked without toenail and it’s so sensitive. She just dips the medicine that looks like blood (it’s red color) onto my toe and I screamed. Not the normal scream; the high pitch scream. I think outside the clinic also can hear my scream. It’s like burning your toe every single touch of the medicine. It feels like so many thousands of needles poking your toe. This is so suffering…

10^th September – Sunday

Went to the SoulED Out Carnival with my cousins, aunt and mom. It’s not bad. I saw the real life and near fireworks. So much better that merdeka day. I was alone watching it. Everyone was sitting down. Later at night, I went to see the doctor again. This time my toe infection got serious. The doctor said she gotta take out the whole toe nail. I will NEVER hear another word of “take out/remove” from doctors again. The first time was the lump. He said “remove”, and I ended up in the hospital with the operation and was bandaged. This time, the doctor said “take out” and I ended up having bandaged at my toe. Just a teeny meeny tiny operation and I was screaming like mad. INJECTIONS!!! Those damned bloody fucking injections! I was screaming and my mom can even hear my voice from outside. God knows how many injections the old hag gave me. I think it was 3-4. She even asked me where I’m studying (the fav question that asked by doctors when they’re trying to calm you down. It doesn’t work on me anymore), I said dunno. All I know is that the fucking needle poking my toe and was pain like hell. My aunt was even scolding me for crying (DUH! It’s damn painful). She tried to calm me down but it doesn’t work at all. All I know was that I felt as if something was going into my toenail and the next thing I know was that she pulled out the whole toe nail and showed it to me proudly. PROUDLY! It’s so huge and it’s MY TOENAIL she’s holding! OMG! I wanted to keep the toenail and keep it as memory but I’d afraid aunt would scold me for keeping ‘rubbish’. I wanna show my kids that toenail someday. How I’ve gone through the ‘hard’ times. What’s worse Is that the old hag said I gotta come and wash it EVERYDAY! As if the injection doesn’t satisfy her. We’ll wait and see…

9^th September – Saturday

So many things happened during the two weeks of holiday. Just two whole freaking week. I worked and felt the ‘pleasure’ of standing and waking up every morning with the pain on my legs. I met nice people at the place where I worked, met my old friend, Triple L. My boyfriend came, I went out with his mom and two aunts, his mom even saw us holding hands (I was bit scared at first), had dinner with them, met his grandma, his cousins, went to Kajang (his grandma’s house), he and I went to concert at Philharmonic and got two free tickets to the concert, which was damn fucking cool and I really enjoyed myself. So many people and so many great songs like Superman, LOTR, Hunt for the Rabbit, Babe, etc. the sound of the instruments is beyond FANTASTIC. A great experience which I’ll never forget in my life. I began to like classical music more.

(Sigh) Here’s the sad part of the two weeks. Not very detail in this blog, only a few people know bout it. If they read this part of my blog, they’d understand. The Aries guy. I was kinda disappointed of how it ends. I told him many times the ending wouldn’t be good, and he insists. Now see what happened. At least this incident taught me a lesson and made me and Adam stronger together. The burden’s off and I felt much lighter in a sense that he’s not here anymore. Aries stopped messaging me and I guess it’s a good thing. I told him to stay away from me and he did. He left with a painful heart and I’m sorry to say this, he should’ve known better. He’s really a nice guy but I’m sorry. Although he doesn’t have Friendster, I really hope he’d read this someday. I didn’t mean to hurt him like this but I really need to ask you to keep away from me…

Enough of the sad part, suddenly I have a Mash Potato as my little brother. Adam couldn’t stop saying Potatoes everytime I say Mash. He’s so mean laa. Poor Mash. Hehe… never in a million years that I’d thought of Mash becoming my brother. I wasn’t even close to him when we were still in High School. I just know him as a great Magician. Never even thought I’d tell him my darkest secret and never thought of being so close to him. He’s really a sweet and cute looking potato. Although it’s none of my business, but I’m worried of him and his girlfriend now. Someone else deserves him much more better. Oh well, that’s his choice. But all the while of being lonely for so long, it’s so cool to have a crazy brother who can fight with me. As I said, whoever close to me will leave me someday. I’m cursed (-_-“’). Potato will be leaving soon. Till end of this month, but hopefully he’ll find a nearby job somewhere here.

I’m tired… tired of my life. That’s why I didn’t write the whole two weeks one by one. It’s the same thing everyday… (Yawn)

31st August – Thursday

Went to the Philharmonic with Aries. Later at night, I went countdown at Pyramid with him and Garfield. Hamtaro brought his cousin along. The cousin looked bit nerdy but he’s so nice and blur, which made it easier for me to bully him more. Hamtaro was very quiet, as always. Always ask me to come out Yam Cha, but in the end, he’s the quiet 1. Aries did something that surprised me. I nearly cried in front of him and Garfield. Already had tears in my eyes but managed to control it. He drove us back to his house, saying he wanna borrow me his Final Fantasy Cds. But when he came out, he was holding a birthday cake for me. It’s kinda funny. They sang birthday song IN THE CAR and I blew the candles IN THE CAR. First time… I told Garfield if he kept surprising me, I’d…(sigh)it’s been so long. The first time I got a huge surprise was from my first ex. During the Kawad Merdeka, in front of everyone, even the commander. Surprise surprise….