My Blog

17th August - Thursday

I got a job! Woo hoo! I was walking around and i saw the paper on the window. So i went in and ask for the vacancy. She interviewed me and said i can start working this Sunday. OMG!!! But i didn’t know 1 thing is that they have to wear makeups and GIRL clothes. It’s so feminine! AAARRRGGGHHH!!! (-_-) I’m desperate for money and the payment’s pretty good too. Oh well, gotta gambadeh!!!

13^th August – Sunday

Looking at how things are, I don’t have mood to do anything. It’s already Sunday and I did nothing but watch movies the whole three days. I didn’t do my figure, no typography, no studying for my Ad Prin, nothing. Normally my routine would be finishing my figure on weekends but not now. Things haven’t been great with my boyfriend either. Ever since that day we argued, it had gotten cold. I haven’t been talking much to him a lot too. Every time I talk to him, I’d feel like crying. What’s happening to us? We are drifting apart. He’ll come next week. Supposing today, but I didn’t wanna see him. It’s been 3 months since his last visit. I told him I got a lot of stuff to do this weekend. Wonder if I can postpone till end of this month. Or even better, next month. Another month makes no difference. Or maybe… forever…

I can’t sleep, everything I ever know,

Is a lie, without you,

I can’t breathe, when my heart is broke in two,

There’s no beat, without you.

YOU’RE NOT GONE,

BUT YOU’RE NOT HERE,

At least that’s the way it seems tonight,

IF WE COULD TRY TO END THESE WARS,

I KNOW THAT WE CAN MAKE IT RIGHT.

I DON’T WANNA FIGHT NO MORE,

I FORGOT WHAT WE WERE FIGHTING FOR,

AND THIS LONELINESS THAT’S IN MY HEART,

WON’T LET ME BE APART FROM YOU,

I DON’T WANNA HAVE TO TRY,

TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE,

SO I’M HOPING WE CAN START TONIGHT,

CAUSE I DON’T WANNA FIGHT NO MORE.

Suddenly I got the urge to listen to Westlife. It’s been so long. I remember Jelly and I used to be crazy bout 911, Lee. Haha… I still think he’s cute, even now. We even say we’d want our car to be LEE 911. Now we know its not possible. Naïve and kids…she’s the only person I can trust and my one and only best friend. (Hug hug)

11th August – Friday

It’s just like any normal day. I bought Final Fantasy and decided to leave my hp somewhere. I don’t wanna receive any calls today. I hated 11^th August. I even hated 31^st August. Except that it’s Merdeka and I get to see fireworks. Was surprised to see so many messages. The 1^st was from Darjac. Then I got from boon boon cat, tomato face, ah ho, my 8-9 years pen pal, jelly, triple L, and biscuit bakar. Haha… so many nicknames. I got one from pikachu, but it’s in Chinese. I can’t read it. So I’ll ask people on Tuesday. Spent the whole day just playing Final Fantasy from morning till night. Mom even said (at night – 9pm), “Your birthday today meh?” I said, “Yeah”. Then she gave me something and “nah, for your birthday”. To think of it, it’s kinda funny how it goes. Dad’s funnier. He was blurring. He asked me at 11pm, “Today is your birthday meh?” me, “yeah”. Then I just walked away. I don’t want anything from anyone. I just wanna graduate. That’s all I’m asking for and wish. This is the wish from a very poor family. All we want is to study and get at least a diploma. Well, Ken, if you’re reading this, thanks for reminding me this. Unlike you, I use the money for my good. Not to burn it with your sissy clothes and girlfriend. If you wanna buy also, please laa. Buy‘manly’ clothes. Not some ‘behind OCEAN and girls’ clothes laa. If you got extra, give to beggar laa. They need every sen to earn a living and eat. Not to waste the time and money to fuck people up in people’s blog.

9^th August – Wednesday

Aunt came today. It’s the time to pay the fees. So I gave her the letter. She starts to say stuff like “Hah! Need to pay again arr? I thought I just paid the fees?!?” I said, “That was for 2^nd year 1^st semester. Now is the second semester. And the fees you paid was last 3 months ago” She starts to complain she doesn’t have this much of money anymore. Saying she paid nearly 100k. I just kept quiet and let her say. I didn’t notice it was that much but when I got back, mom asked me how much she paid because its not even 100k. I calculated and said it’s roughly less than 50k for the whole 3 years. So aunt got mixed up. But she did mention she only got 20k in her account. Wonder if it’s enough. But I guess not. Since I’m over 18 now, I can try out for the MAS Airline. That’s my second dream. I studied real hard for my language just to become an air stewardess. I heard they need A’s for BM and Eng. That’s all, right? I got it. The 1^st time I called before I came to TOA, they said I must be 18 years old. That was 2 years ago. Mr. Ben knows someone there and he said I can get in easily. So, if I quit TOA, I might join MAS.  Argued with him again. Not bout that idiot Ken, but bout something else. (Sigh) it’s always like this. Always at the month when it’s my birthday. Something bad will happen. That’s why I hated my birthday. Wish I’m never born. It’s a sad day. A lot of things happened today. Don’t feel like writing it here. I wrote it in my diary. Finally I’m WRITING a diary. This time I kept it somewhere safe. The diary all contains about my boyfriend and me. He knows my account, so if he opens it, he wouldn’t know. You guys won’t know either. It’s too sad and I wanna write it instead of telling it to the whole world.

8th August - Tuesday

Hey Ken, I’ve deleted your comments but hey, THNKS so much for your comments. I’m flattered you actually read my blog and thanks for the remarks. It’s such a nice and long comments. It’s been awhile I haven’t read a kid’s work. It’s so funny and cute laa. 1st of all, my breasts are flat? I admit they are. I’m happy and proud of what God has given me. I won’t complain nor will i ‘enlarge’ my boobs. Only bitches do. And i bet your bitchy girlfren does that too. Awww… bitchy boyfriend with a bitchy girlfren. No wonder you guys look cute together. Speaking of bitches, you’re so cool! You get to be one’s bitch (aka DOG). You got a master who tells you to post comments. That’s fantastic! You’re such a cute little doggy. Awww… I wish i have a dog who can post blog too. And you’re so cute when you say my boyfriend have no taste, At least he’s loyal and true to me. Better than yiour ex…Oopps… You don’t have ex? Ai yaa… Will become one soon lah. Bet your ‘ex’ would run away with another dog. At least a much better dog. She dont deserve you laa. Face it. This is reality. She loves you for your money. Later that, she’d cabut with a guy. So sad.. i pity you laa. But dont be sad arr. I can be your new master. I’m very good one. I don’t scold people (or dogs) as you already know, i’m not brave enough to stand up for myself. But anyway, it’s like my little sister’s essay. She’s in Standard one. She’ll include other people in our fights too.Join the fun. But at least she’s smarter and braver than you. If she doesnt like me, she’d tell me directly to my face. Unlike some cowards, they tell other people to tell me. Like you, for instance. Waaa/… seven years old kid also smarter than you. OOpppsss sorry.. i forgot you’re just 12 years old. You cant be 21 years old. So childish. One more thing, how’d you knw what exactly happened in my group? You were there meh? Hah? you were there arr? Oh yeah, now i remember. you were that dog who followed us around. Sorry. i didnt notice you. Next time i give you Scooby Snacks, ok? Stay there and jaga the pintu. Good doggy…

3rd August - Thursday

It’s the presentation day for my Ad Prin. It was a disaster. I told everyone to come at 9:30am. And guess what time they came? After 10. They told me they did the advertisement, fine. I didnt say anything. Then my friend came in and i played maple. And suddenly THEIR friends came in and i dunno what the fuck they did to my powerpoint, they changed everything i did. The background, the fonts, the colors, the style, and they wanna add the ‘funny halo’ in. I was shocked to see MY background of a beach suddenly become black color. I got pissed off and let them do the fuck they wanna do. So, i just kept quiet and see what they wanna do. When they went to class, i actually didnt wanna touch the shit, but i did anyway. Just to check the grammar mistakes (which i know confirm got. And memang got). I didn’t do much. I don’t care. It’s non of my fucking business anyway. I sat there and they didn’t tell me they wanna change the stuff i did. They could at least ask me how to do or what or ANYTHING! What the hell… After that, i came back after marking my attendance. I joined them and see what else they did. They noticed that i’m a little ’separated’ and quiet and ‘looked not happy’ (it’s hard to NOT show it). Anyway, one of them asked what i’m not happy about and stuff. I just kept quiet. I don’t wanna argue or cry or whateva, so i just say whatever laa. It’s non of my bloody business anymore. Is there anything that we agree about? Oh yeah, we agree that I’m such a bad leader and the worse of the worse ever. they think i have bad  and boring taste. Fine. Whatever (chicken hasnt hear me saying that word for so long). After the ’so called confession’, i took my paper and told them what to do, who goes next. They just: Ah. Ok. And they look at the computer. Its fucking obvious they’re not listening and don’t care. I just ask for masking tape or anything that sticks (no one have it - i wanted to stick the note on the monitor), but instead, i just throw the paper on the keyboard and told them to see what you guys gotta do. I felt like screaming that time. And they wanted to put the ‘funny pics’ there which i totally disagree because, HELLO!!! ITS A PRESENTATION! BE SERIOUS LAA!!! Its against majority again. I’m left alone without knowing anything and the last to know. AGAIN. Don’t care laa. Let them do. I don’t care the fuck now. I’ve done my job and told them what to do.

Presentation: It was a disaster. They got panicked and don’t know what they’re talking about and don’t even know whose turn was it. I was so so so so so dissapointed and sad THIS is happening. Even the lecturer said the idea is good BUT the presentation was messy. I really wanted to cry so much. At least the water helped. I drank loadsa water to cool down and i left the room early. I dont wanna see them, I dont wanna see anybody, I dont wanna talk to anyone. Leave me alone. I swear i’d never be a leader again. It’s already 9:30 pm now. I dont feel like going home. I just wanna write my blog and pour out my sadness here. My blog my only FRIEND. I only trust my blog and myself. Hide all my emotions behind a face that nobody will see. I dont even want people to look at me. If i got the money, i’d go to LKW after this term. Or stop for a term, collect some money, and continue with a new batch of people. Everyone’s the same. Selfish. This is what Malaysia is proud of. Selfish malaysians. I wanna get outta malaysia and see new people. I wanna have a new me. I guess my new me would me my old me. The quiet and shy me. The no confident and ‘dont wanna talk to people’ me. The nerd me. Nobody would know my existance and nobody would care. They say they do, but they’re not. It’s just a bunch of words. Like my boyfriend used to say, "sorry is a word. You’ve done what you done. You cant change back and forget it. You may forgive, but you may not forget. Sorry doesnt mean anything." Its so true…

1st June - Tuesday

Typography. My lecturer wants more. She dint exactly reject, and din’t exactly accept my ideas but AAARRRGGGHHH!!! More work!!! I continued with the powerpoint and this time, it’s for real. I edited everyting and it looks nice. I was kinda satisfy with the powerpoint thingy but it took a long time because i gotta keep trying to change things in there. Did my work till 5am. I’m wondering how long am i gonna stay like this. Sleeping late. <yawns>

31st July - Monday

I gotta do the stupid powerpoint. I dont know how to use it, but i try. I asked my boyfriend to teach me and i’m starting to get hang of it. I did the ppp and powerpoint until 5am. I think going to 6am. It’s a lot of work, especially that bloody ppp. SO TIRED and the stupid chair is so hard. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! Tension!!!

28th July - Friday

Went and collected the CD from my friend. He and i share the tape for the shooting. My part contains interview of my product. And his contains his interview. My friend told me he accidently erased SOME parts from my interview. When i looked back, My Goodness Sake, Holy Christ, Oh my god, he erased ALOT. Left only 10 secs of my interview. I was so pissed that time. Really felt like crying because all our ‘research’ and informations are GONE. Completely DISSAPEAR. He just: Haaaaaaahh??? (As usual) And i kept ’scolding’ him. I didn’t wanna be rude because its my fault too. Who ask me to borrow from that guy. And i didn’t know other people are sharing with me too. If i know, I shoulnt have ask from him. Good.. Its a positive thinking. I’m blaming myself.. <sigh> too depressed to go further.. Stop here laa…(T.T)